


mystified

by rainbowrabblerouser



Series: post-canon IT fics [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Author Projecting onto Richie Tozier, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Melancholy, Post-Canon, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23546455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowrabblerouser/pseuds/rainbowrabblerouser
Summary: Richie knew well enough.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: post-canon IT fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1703728
Kudos: 8





	mystified

**Author's Note:**

> "Death By A Thousand Cuts"
> 
> "Sober"
> 
> "Cornelia Street"

It rains when Richie steps out into the daylight.

His tears stung his face and his glasses fogged up with blood and the saltiness.

The others don’t understand him.

He had just lost the one person he really loved in the whole wide world.

But they all wanted to go to the quarry like they were still 13 and Stan and Eddie were still–

No.

They have to drag him away from Eddie’s lifeless body and he wants to beat the shit out of Bill. Fuck him. Fuck him and his wife and everything he stands for. Fuck him for that.

Fuck Bill for writing horribly and fuck him for just marrying a bootleg Beverly. 

A second- no, third-rate Bryce Dallas Howard.

God, he really wants to hate him.

Punch him in the face like he did when they were kids.

But he just sobs. For hours on end.

They try to take him out to cheer him up.

Take him to the mall, the arcade, anywhere.

Richie looks on at the winding road. 

Sometime later, they pass by Eddie’s house and see how empty it had become.

He knows he’ll never walk Neibolt Street again…

It was too much for him to even think about.

The love of his life was gone, but his only friends who would forget him soon after were just in the water, washing the love of his life’s blood off like he was just thin paint…

Ben and Beverly were making out and he felt like shit…

They had each other, but what the fuck did he have?

Jokes? Movie deals? Cars? 

Nothing. 

Who was he without Eddie?

Forty or so years and he didn’t even have many photos of him.

He didn’t even have a body to bury.

Because he couldn’t handle it.

Richie takes the long way home.

Some way there, he started losing his mind.

He asked the traffic lights if it’ll be alright; they said ‘I don’t know.’

When he arrives home and has to do a set, he nails it. 

Then he goes home to his empty glass house and gets so wasted.

Richie considered cancelling his tour, but he needed the money.

Something to distract him from childhood trauma.

No one understood him like Eddie did. No one.

There wasn’t a single person alive who could match him, in any way.

Eddie was a light that he could risk getting blind gazing at him.

He was the only person he had ever loved.

His childhood sweetheart, lover. 

His first kiss, fuck, everything. 

  
What would he do now? 

Forget about him like he did with everything about Derry?

Richie had read about what happened to people like him.

Kids who never grew up into actual adults, ADHD boys without a clue, gay fairies who wouldn’t flinch at the word ‘fag’ – but rather at the mention of an ex-lover…

He was a failure.

  
Eddie used to be his; now he belonged to the stars.

LA traffic ruins the night sky, so Richie can’t see a thing.

He just knows Eddie was up there, and he was PISSED.

Angry as always.

So upset he couldn’t contain himself.

Classic Eddie.

Night. Midnight. Lose my mind.

He was in love with someone who would never touch him again.

Richie knew he was going to surely die alone.

It was a fact.

Ever since he figured out he’s gay at age 13, he would just spend hours lying awake crying.

Knowing he would die without anyone.

Eddie would leave him one day and he’d have nothing.

Richie would confuse Eddie with his tears as he wrapped his arms around him and just fell asleep on his chest on nights that were too long for him.

Jokes and jeers for Eddie. Kisses and hugs and fuck for Richie.

He had only one love and he was gone.

“Kiss me.”

“Richie, keep going…”

“I’m sorry.”

Eddie couldn’t let him go so Richie had to do it.

Well, by force.

He’s melodramatic and upset and justified and just...heartbroken. 

Never had he felt so much pain.

When he was a kid, he never understood when people said their hearts hurt.

Now he got it. 

Oh, finally.

He could grow up.

Feel what it felt to be alive and dead at the same time.

Where had the days gone?

Beverly would try to look through his lies and fake smiles, but he knew she’d not say anything to him. It was a lot, and would never get it.

“Aren’t you a lucky bastard?”

“Yeah.”

She still looked like the same girl with red hair and overalls and key necklaces.

He’d never move on, never love another.

Because people like Eddie only come once.

Also, no one would be tolerant enough.

Richie knew that.

~~ He knew well enough. ~~

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: @rainbowrabblerouser


End file.
